Day 11: Of a woman born

I remember puberty hitting me before I was even informed that there is such a thing. I was about to turn 11 years old in a couple of months. Like all regular Indian families, we never talked about such stuff. It never helped that I was an extremely introverted and studious kid in school. So on that fateful day when I saw blood smears in my underpants, I was dead sure that I was going to die and was feeling guilty about a crime I never committed. Somehow I mustered up enough courage to tell my mother and she, like almost all mothers of that generation handed me over a piece of cloth without talking anything about the terrible state I was in. That's how my life as a woman began.

I still didn't know what to do with this leaking that happens in between my legs. I was sure that none of my friends had gone through this. I felt ashamed and didn't want to discuss this with friends. I had a couple of cousins who were eagerly waiting for this event and they were disappointed that I reached this stage before them. So they told it is a good thing and hearing this I wished if only I could transfer it to them. But there was no turning back and I was doomed to be a woman before I even understood what it meant.

There was a sudden growth spurt and I became tall and plump compared to my classmates. Kids used to tease me about my plumpness and all I could was to stop eating. I started to withdraw to my shell more and more and it took many years for my friends to hit puberty. I was alone, confused and depressed. There was nobody to talk to. I had lost my childhood forever because as per Indian traditions, you are supposed to be trained for sending off to the in-law's house when you hit puberty. So the 11 year old me was constantly badgered to do household chores, look after younger sisters, to be silent and never to question the "all knowing" adults.

All these made me a rebel - not the tantrum throwing typical teenager. But the one, who quiety worked hard without the drama knowing that if I need to break this shackles of patriarchy, I have to be smart. Some days I do wonder if l would have turned out as a different person if not for the early puberty. May be, may be not.