Day 13: Parental Belssings

In 30 years of my life, I always imagined myself to be a separate entity, who managed to enter the lives of my parents without ever having anything inherited from them. The question was always - " How did I ever end up in this family? ". There is nothing wrong with the family though. But I didn't really feel any connection also. The dream was to be away from them as much as possible so that we will not be in each other's way often. One of the resolution when I finally became financially independent was never to stay at home for more than ten days.

Pandemic made us reevaluate life and its meaning. After a decade of staying away from parents, I had to move in back home during the lock down. They have mellowed down during these years and finally gave upon my marriage and so I didn't have many things to trouble me. I have also evolved from my rebellious 20s. So adjusting came quite naturally to all of us now. There is not much of conflicts and that made me realize some of the similarities between me and my parents.

I get the love of written words from my father. It is something he tried to inculcate in us as kids. Over the years I have come across many friends and mentors who have shaped my reading habits. But my father remains the person who sparked that fire in me. He never got to finish the school and after crossing 60 he decided to appear for the exam again and he passed. This kind of perseverance and going after the goals with a single mind, is also something that I inherit from him. My love for walking, yoga and the overall discipline with which I live is also from him.

Unlike father, my relationship with mother was always kind of a love-hate one. She has hurt me so much in my 20s and I never thought I would ever be indebted to her for my achievements. But that's the truth. As a grown up woman, I understand her struggles better now. Life was never easy for her. At my present age she had three kids to look after! I cannot wrap my head over that fact alone. She lost her mother when she was 11, had to grow up with her step mother, married my father just because she wanted to leave her native, lived in a joint family and toiled all day in the kitchen - there is not much similarity between our lives. But the love for growing things, the way I appreciates nature and the strength to fight every single problem comes from her. I don't know how I would have survived this far in life if not for these traits.

We are still not in a place to discuss these things openly. But these lock down months have been a blessing in disguise. May be we all needed that space and time to look back in life.