Day 14: Meaning of some endings

It was a December. Almost an year since we first met. I never thought the emotions that brought us together would leave us so quickly. I was so naive. So many Fridays gone by without meeting. I remember waiting for a call that never came and the soul crushing pain. In all those past months, all I remember was the pain. I never knew that I could bear so much pain without letting anybody else know. The pain was eating me up slowly and I ended up looking like a skeleton. In a way, everything was leaving me.

I didn't know why he agreed to meet me on that Friday. I have already given up and wished only for the strength to walk away from that relationship. I don't exactly remember what we talked. He wanted to leave as soon as he came. I tried to lighten the mood by saying how much weight he had gained in all these months. It is not the thing that you would want to say to your partner when you are on the verge of break up. But you see, I was that naive. We got our tea after some waiting. I remember the cafe was rather empty that day. Or myemory is tricking me. Anyway the tea was horrible. It was bland like our relationship and was trying to over compensate by adding too much milk and sugar - just the way we entered the relationship thinking common interests were the only thing that is required for a relationship to sustain. Looking back, I realise that he has never agreed to meet me again and it was his way of telling the truth. I should have left that relationship months ago. But I used to have an idealistic world view back then and thought that love is worth fighting. In a way, I still believe that and would even cross seven oceans for the one true love, if that exists.

To this day, the taste of overly milky and sweet tea remind me of that final meeting. Some days it makes me smile at that naive self. Some days it makes me realise that I carry that pain with me even after years. May be there arent any endings. May be life is just about circling back from one emotion to other and as they say in meditation guide, let these emotions and thoughts be the white clouds that comes and goes in your mind's blue sky.