Day 20: It’s the lesbian in us

Disclaimer : Title graciously borrowed from Adrienne Rich's essay.

I have been trying to read Adrienne Rich's collection of essays titled "On Lies, Secrets and Silence". I say " trying" because I am still learning to understand the gravity of the words used by her. Most of the essays were written half a century ago and there is a lot that got condensed in her powerful words. Some essays made me feel that we haven't made much progress in demolishing patriarchal power structures even now. There are a couple of essays that immediately grabbed my attention just because of the titles she used and reflect on the life I am living.

I am a cis woman, living in a country which has no respect for their women. When I look back in life, the major forces behind every transformation I have been through, was because of a woman. It includes my mother, teachers, friends and some really inspiring women I met in the course of my life. I have always been proud of the fact that I have so many strong women in my life. We push each other forward. It doesn't mean we have the most harmonious relationships. We fight, point out each other's mistakes and are never afraid to be vulnerable with each other. Vulnerability is a lacking factor in most of the heterosexual relationships.

However I cannot say same about the men. I have been belittled, made fun of and treated as dirt in some of the heterosexual relationships. I wish this was true only in case of romantic relationships. But that’s not the case. Most of the damaging experiences were from within the family itself. But the painful experiences has made me realise that what I do not want in my life. There is a clear set of boundaries now more than ever. But the boundaries I was able to set only because of the women in my life.