Day 21: Evolving Relationships

Today was like any other working day. I woke up early and after completing my morning routine, logged in to check my work related emails. As I was prioritising my work for today, I got a message from a college friend in office communicator. We used to be really close friends in college and were in touch even after that. Then in between him getting married and me getting stuck with a lot of financial burdens, we lost in touch. So it was a pleasant surprise to receive a message from him. Still there was some strain in reconnecting. We are no longer the teenagers when we first met and definitely not the "settling down" late 20 year olds when we parted ways. I do not know anything about his life other than the fact that we work for the same organization. He also doesn't have any clue about my life. It really got me thinking how relationships evolve over time.

My closest friends are from college days and it is almost 16 years since we first met. We do not speak to each other everyday, we don't even text and we don't get to meet even once in a year. But when we talk to each other, it never feels odd. There is a comfort in turning to them and picking up where we left off. But it is not the case with some other relationships. I believe, we fear judgements from some people and that comes in the way of being vulnerable with each other. So we end up in pretentious conversarions and after two or three such instances neither of us want to pursue that. I remember another friend texting me almost an year ago. Without even showing the courtesy of asking for my wellbeing, she started giving advice to get married. These sort of conversations puts me off forever and I could never make myself return her calls after that. I might be too harsh on her. But I have learned, albeit through some painful experiences, that setting boundaries is important. It means I don't allow others to take me for granted. Each of us have our own life and our own way of dealing with it. There is no right way to live. There is a lot of context one has to consider when giving unsolicited advice.

Bad prior experiences come in the way of rekindling some relationships. It may be too selfish to keep only those people in life who helps us in some way. May be there is a way to nurture others without being worried about boundaries. As of now I am still figuring out that way.