How far is too far and how close is too close?

Photo By Chembarathi

Have you heard about the Porcupine Dilemma? A couple of days back, I stumbled on this term in the book Figuring by Maria Popova, the founder of BrainPicker, the most amazing treasure trove of Literature available in the internet. Let me quote the exact dilemma from the book for people like me.

"Porcupine Dilemma: In the cold of winter, a covenant of porcupines huddle together seeking warmth. As they draw close, they begin wounding each other with their quills. Warmed but maimed, they instinctually draw apart, only to find themselves shivering and longing for the heat of other bodies again. Eventually they discover that un-wounding warmth lies in the right span of space - close enough to share in a greater collective temperature, but not so close as to inflict the pricks of proximity. "

I have struggled in my entire life to have a perfect balance of Independence and intimacy in relationships and almost always failed miserably. It is really hard to let go of the independence when you are sure that you will be able to manage every thing alone. That sort of builds a wall around you. It is not easy to let the wall crumble even though there will always be the yearning for intimacy.

First time I read about such a different view of relationships was in Kahlil Gibran's verse - " Let there be spaces in your togetherness". It has stuck with me ever since. You can read all the poems in the world and be a romantic. Don't get me wrong, I love such poems. But I also loved the way, the porcupine dilemma dissected the relationships, in a very matter of fact, practical way.

Anyway, porcupine dilemma has given me enough food for thought for the remaining days of 2020. May be, some day, the spaces will be filled just enough so that everyone is warm and cozy.