Impasse

Days seem a bit bleak and dreary these days. It is not a holiday season in this part of the world to feel lonely and depressed. So I believe what I feel is merely a depletion of energy. The fountain that has been overflowing for the past couple of months, is finally dried up. The same thing happened in July also, forcing me to isolate myself from all the unnecessary interactions. That isolation helped me to focus only on the things and people who matter. I was not expecting to face the same dread within a few months.

This time is different though. Unlike last time, I cannot pin point the sources that is causing this exhaustion. If you ask me, I am doing everything right - journaling, meditation, yoga etc. So what went wrong? What is this tiredness of the soul called? The voice that murmurs "you are not enough" is becoming more clearer and louder. In fact it is not a murmur anymore. I want to turn it off, but do not know how. I thought I successfully pushed away those voices to the back of my mind. How wrong was I?

The eyelashes carry the burden of my thoughts and they are drooping from exhaustion. Yet, sleep eludes me. May be tomorrow will be different. One can only hope.