An instar is an insect in any one of its periods of postembryonic growth between molts. As humans, we go through this molting process always unknowingly. We feel a mix of discomfort, pain and dissatisfaction with everything we have done so far. We realize such stages only when we look back. Sometimes the pain can be so mind-numbing that we lose track of everything that matters to us.
"Instar implies something both celestial and ingrown, something heavenly and disastrous, and perhaps change is commonly like that, a buried star, oscillating between near and far." - A Field Guide to getting lost, Rebecca Solnit
I believe it's a trick of life to kick us out of our comfort zones. It means that the individuals we have become is no longer serving any purpose and a change is necessary to keep things in equilibrium. Although it's something that we can never come into terms with at that precise moment. Acceptance comes in a later stage when everything makes sense to us and we realize that the change was necessary.
This molting process often feels like searching for something in the darkness. We are not clear about what we are searching or where we are searching. It is so tempting to believe that there is no world beyond this darkness and lose hope. I am into such a phase now. Either I will break my neck while coming out of this chrysalis or I will be a fully developed butterfly. I am persevering because it is the quality that served me well in this lifetime.
I am not sure what I am expecting to see when I come out of this darkness. In a way, it is not the result that matters and I am certain that this process itself will be something I am grateful for later in life. Trusting the process and continuing on the journey is my way of combating the darkness. And yes, writing helps too.