Meeting My Teenager Self

Some days I start my day with a poem. There are poems that make me look forward to the day with a longing that I can no longer associate with my middle aged mind and body. Then there are poems that make me look back to the past and see it through a different perspective. Today's poem belongs to the latter category. It is Teenager by Wislawa Szymborska.

Me - a teenager?

If she suddenly stood, here, now, before me,

Would I need to treat her as near and dear,

Although she is strange to me, and distant?

A few days ago I shared a photo of my teenager self with a friend. Her immediate response was how frightened I looked in that photo. That got me thinking about the journey from thirteen to thirty three. Thirteen year old self is not completely strange to me, not yet anyway. I recognize the fear, insecurity, self doubt and the feeling of being lost. Yet, in some strange ways she has been sure of so many things. Without her resolutions and stubbornness, I wouldn’t have made this far. May be 13 year old self was carving a path of her own, without much help or guidance, trusting her instincts, taking one step at a time and trusting the journey.

On her pathetic watch

Time is still cheap and unsteady.

On mine it's far more precious and precise.

I am learning to value time more. But I believe my teenage self was more aware of the value of time than my present self. It is only because she was willing to do all the hard work that I am having at least some peace of mind while navigating through this difficult world now. There are days when I wish I had normal teenage years without worrying about what is in store for me. But I managed to postpone my teenage years to my 20s and I don't regret it either. I am grateful for everything, the anxiety driven years and the fun filled years.

Do you remember your teenage self? How would you treat your teenage self if you meet them today? I just want to hug and tell her that everything is going to be alright!