Phantom Memories

Memories are the most fascinating tricksters. Don't get me wrong, I have been a faithful slave of this trickster as long as I can remember. In fact nothing makes me secure like wrapping myself in the warmth of some memories. However, these days I find myself questioning the veracity of these memories by juxtaposing my own experience with the experience of those who have been with me. It is an interesting experiment.

What about those memories that we don't have any witness? We have drifted away from the people or we went through that experience all alone. How can we tell ourselves that we experienced that for sure? On days when my mind is not clouded by romanticism, days when I don't take any nonsense from myself or others, I can sense that there is something wrong with the way I conjure those memories.

The point is when we sprinkle a lot of nostalgia on some plain memories, it looks like an exotic dessert which is still vanilla underneath. There is an instant deception which most of us do not seem to discern. When I feel lazy and do not want to dwell on the counter arguments inside my head, I ask myself "What is so wrong with such harmless phantom memories? It is just in my head and I am not taking any action based on them." It is an excuse to go back to them because such memories are comforting. When I am being rational, I know that it is still tricking me to stay in the past.

I started questioning doesn't mean that I have decided to let go of those memories. It is a tug of war even now. May be some day the more rational part of myself will win or it may be the dreamy self. Nobody knows for sure. Until then, whenever I catch a whiff of nostalgia in the air, I might try not to look through my rose tinted glasses.