The Choice
Movies that releases women from age-old clichés are becoming common in Malayalam these days. The latest addition was Sara's. It was about a young woman who is so sure of herself and chasing the dreams she has defined for herself without care about societal expectations. It was refreshing to see that aspect and it also hit too close home. It is one thing to come to a decision in your mind and an entirely different thing to own up that decision in front of society. When motherhood is considered as the de facto mode of womanhood, it is not easy to stand up and say "I do not want to play that role".
I admire anyone who has clarity of what they want to do in life at a young age. For many of us, that clarity comes with age, with life beating us up again and again. Matters that we perceived as normal in our teenage and 20s seem problematic when one just observes the world around us without any intention of participating. As a firstborn, I was expected to take care of my younger sisters. Now when I hear people praising girls who take care of their younger siblings like mothers, it just makes me sad. I wonder about the childhood those girls are losing. As Adrienne Rich said, motherhood is just an institution that patriarchy keeps glorifying.
Unlike Saara, I don't mind taking care of kids. I even enjoy playing with them. But does it makes me want to have one - No! I was talking to a friend a few days ago, who is of my mother's age and whose thinking is along the lines of the new generation in every aspect. He became silent when I told him that I don't plan to have a kid even if I end up being in a long term relationship. There was this uncomfortable silence that followed. Then I heard him asking why this generation is so against having a kid. I don't think anybody owes an answer to this question. It differs from person to person. For me, I am exhausted from all the responsibilities I had to bear until now. I cannot even think about bringing kids into my life and passing the rest of my life worrying about them. Half a lifetime is already gone and I want to make better use of the next half. Selfish maybe. But I believe I am a better person than the one who brings a kid without any thought and goes about their life as if nothing has changed. It is not fair to the kids.
Everyone one of us have our issues to deal with, our careers to fight for and in between if we think we do not want a kid in life to feel fulfilled, what's so wrong with that? Also, kids deserve homes where their well being is the priority. I see my friends put their lives and ambitions on hold for being with the kids. I am proud of them. But it does not mean that I need to be ashamed of not making that choice.
Living a selfish life without conforming to the expectations of society is a difficult choice, especially for a woman. Maybe we all carry the burden of our previous generations who never had a choice in these matters and are exhausted in passing on that to the next generations. Whatever it may be, we don't owe an answer to anyone and it is just a choice that we have every right to make.
