The Idea of Home

If you have known me for a while, you would know how I could go on and on about home and belonging. It is one topic that never tires me and I always find some invaluable insights about myself while digging deeper into the idea of home.

I have lived in rented houses in my entire life. This includes hostels, independent houses, flats, villas and what not. As I write this, we shifted to a new place again and this is the fifth time I am shifting in an year. One year ago, when I shifted to a new city, all I wanted was to build a nest of my own. A small space in the new city with the things I love - a couple of books, a comfy bed, tea to soothe myself and good company in the form of plants. Little did I know that we will be facing a full blown pandemic and have to rewire ourself about the new way of life. I had to leave my nest and move in back with my parents after almost a decade of living independently, without any form of parental interfeference.

I didn't expect to slide back into this way of life easily. Like any Indian family, we have our own differences. I remember leaving home a decade ago, thinking that I would never stay with them for more than a week at a time. Fortunately, after so many years of conflict, my parents have reconciled to the idea that I am never going to be their dutiful daughter. I have also learned to be at peace with myself and not trying to make up for the son my parents never had. We actually had some calmness, after so many years of storm.

It is almost six months since I moved back. I learned that I can go on and wait for the old way of life to come back, claim a space of my own and build a fortress of solitude. Or I can build that space that I crave so much in the here and now. I chose the latter. May be home is wherever you are. It doesn't have to be a glorified tale of love and belonging. It is just where a sense of calm is present even in the midst of conflicts. And I am beginning to embrace that.