What makes you laugh?
Sigh! This is such a difficult prompt. I am still trying to unlearn the rule of “girls are not supposed to laugh out loud”. Some days, when I am with people who make me feel like I belong with them, the laughing part comes quite naturally. It doesn’t even take much effort to make me laugh under such circumstances. With the rest of the world, I feel like somebody has tied some heavy rock to my feet and threw me in some deep water where I am trying not to drown. So my scales tip from grinning like an idiot to waiting-for-the-death-face based on the type of people I am surrounded by. Unsurprisingly, there is rarely a middle ground for me.
When I look at my childhood pictures, the thing that makes me uncomfortable is not the way I looked, but how uncomfortable and awkward I looked in those pictures. It is clear from those pictures that if I had to choose to pose for a picture or accept death, I would have happily embraced death. I was that awkward as an adolescent. I believe I started getting comfortable in my own skin when I moved away from home at the age of seventeen. Hostel life came with its own challenges. Although it took years to be comfortable with my peer group, it was the time I started feeling a little bit light. It was also during those years that people complimented me for my laugh. I remember this classmate who commented that my laugh is infectious and I believe that was the first time somebody said something nice about me openly. Even though we were never in touch after college, I still remember her for her kind words.
I digressed from the topic. These days I don’t get many chances to be with those people who bring out the best in me. But there are those rare video calls where I laugh like there is no tomorrow and I am content with that for now. I don’t need a joke to laugh at, I just need my tribe to laugh with.
