Where did Romance go?
Some people come into our lives and leave a permanent mark. Though many of these impressions may look like infatuations, there is a sort of permanence with which I associate these people to my life. As I grow older, I tend to like the distance that separates us more and I am content with the momentary overlap of our lives.
Still, getting a marriage invite from an old crush is not exactly fun, especially when you are a single pea in the pod. But I lit up whenever I get a message from him and this time was no different. I was planning to attend the wedding too, but then the second wave came and now they have made it a small ceremony with live streaming. I get to watch him getting married live. Truly fun times!
Anyway, the marriage invite took me back to 2017. That phase was the happiest I have ever been in my life. Those occasional drinks with friends, waiting along with him for the bus, silly fights -- I was acting like a teenager. That's the thing with crushes no? It reminds me of the lightness that I am incapable of bringing into my life now.
I thought the last image of him in my mind will be that of the man who came to my apartment with a grocery bag that had some onions, peas and a can of beer. He was emptying his fridge before going away to India for vacation. Nothing romantic about that. Also while scanning my apartment, he commented that I should not have kept my apartment this empty even if I was staying short term. It is something that made me introspect. I realized that I always have an exit plan in my mind and was trying to live out of a suitcase most of the time rather than opening the space I live in. Half of my life was spent in the limited spaces of hostels. Who can blame me if I was unknowingly living out of suitcase? Now I try to balance that exit plan with little things of joy. Anyway, he quickly went away as he had a late-night flight to catch. And while watching him speeding on his bike from my balcony, I thought I might never see him again.
Until then my life threw some occasional shocks on my way, but pleasant surprises were rare. I was travelling back to India after completing my assignment in Shanghai. I had ten hours layover in Singapore. It was around 6 in the morning when I landed and I was trying to make sense of my surroundings in the jet-lagged state. Then I saw one familiar face in the crowd looking at me with an amused look. It was him.
It was one of the most cinematic moments in my life. I am a sucker for romantic comedies. But bumping into him in that super busy airport against all odds was too much even for my standards. We found a south Indian outlet in the airport food court and had masala dosa and coffee. Then he let me peek into his bag to show me that he brought a book with him. It was his first book apart from study books. I used to make fun of him for not reading anything apart from office emails. It made me wonder how different he was from the rest of the guys in my life. Funny, kind and never pretentious - he was altogether a different piece of art and brought a perspective shift in the way I saw men.
We wandered around the airport terminal to pass the time. His flight was in the evening and we said goodbye one more time. I haven't seen him after that. So there is no twist in the story beyond this point. We kept in touch by pulling each other's legs and sending memes. When he finally returned to India in 2019, we were planning to meet up for a drink. But that never happened.
I still owe him 50 Singapore Dollars, Masala Dosa, Coffee, some onions and green peas, one Budweiser and the numerous taxi rides. And of course, how can I forget? He used to be my go-to guy for breaking the coconut too. All these will always bring a smile to my face. I am forever grateful for memories that I can cherish without the accompaniment of pain.
What I never realized is that when I said goodbye to him, I bade goodbye to good old romance as well. Now the romantic in me survive through movies and novels. That's enough for now. And maybe Mr Romance will reappear when I am least expecting him.
